3 weeks in and I'm already skipping classes. Lalahku..Gila. Hahah..Why? Well mainly because my parents have this thing where they like to do soirees on a school night -_- Monday night, Tuesday night..You name it. Ya udah tu.

Yatah masuk jua tonight..I am soo tired. Baru siap panyap rumah apa and to top it all off mama minta dangani arahku to wait for dad downstairs. Me feeling kesian for her obliged to join with her downstairs. But seriously, I am tired. Inda cali ni.

So you might feel really hairan pulang ah..I mean if you're so tired why are you not asleep yet?

Well because I have this habit of not being able to sleep after 2. 3 baru tah ni. Confirm. Hahah..

So I skipped classes yesterday and I'm planning on skipping them as well later. Honestly I wouldn't skip it because I'm sleepy though. Sleep deprived is a common thing for me. But I can't take it because I'm sick really.

Haha au, batahkan bagitau sakit ah. Mmm baiklah.

Gila eh macamana kan jadi A-student ni? Aissh. Hahah.

Anyways,

Lately I've been meeting a lot of the people who's been looking down on me before.

Hehe random shit. I know.

You might think..What..? How can you know?

Well, maybe it's all in my head and maybe I have a slight case of paranoia but it's kind of obvious when.. 

They don't really talk to you when you're nice to them in the past,

They're shocked seeing you now,

They talk to you differently now,

and when I give them this attitude now.

Of course a lot have change in the course of 3 years. So different to the point that I'm not even sure whether I've changed or the people around me are.

Maybe both. Maybe.

Hahah.

For me I felt like I changed alright. Usually negativities I feel from someone would scare the crap out of me and I would over-analyse everything in the most heinous possible way. But now, I simply don't care anymore.

Because thanks to them, I realised that THAT is just a waste of time.

Thanks to them I realised that their negativities (their judgments) are not the things that will make me succeed whether it's in studies, work or my happiness.

And thanks to them I am able to live my life however I want and I don't really need to think what they say as long as my parents approve and I'm doing good.

So in the past I would try to win you and try to make you like me because somehow I am so famished for it; but now, I couldn't care less what you think about me and dissing me doesn't make me feel anymore little than you are feeling now. Because seriously, unless you're my boss; making you happy does not pay the bills and trying to make you like me does not get me anywhere.

I admit I am nice to people, I do not just terus-terus kasar arah orang okay? I admit to that extent.

So me being nice does not mean that I am trying to 'ngampu-ngampu.' So you don't need to be judgemental about the way I treat people. That's just the way I am. Kau kaya kah, perasan kaya kah, famous kah, perasan famous kah, lawa kah or perasan lawakah; agatah kau disana ah. I don't care. I can gain those on my own thank you very much.

So these people, I don't know why but I seriously am meeting a lot of them nowadays eh. It hit me right at my memories whenever I see one of them: Like this person used to ignore me, this person used to treat me differently and this person I knew used to diss me; and when everytime I meet them, Alhamdulillah a different light was shown and I admit, I love the look on their faces :p Hehe.

 I'm trying hard not to get them in my head though. I really do. And I always pray to Allah that I will always remember my roots, where I came from and how I came here.

And I'm not saying that now nada orang-orang baru jenis macam diorang lagi in my life pulang ah. Ada..Ganya now,

I don't really give a fuck about you.

Give all the bad looks you've got.

Malas tahku ingau.

And you can bet on that.

Hmm, usulnya saya ani macam banyak churhat tonight. Hehe memang kes batah inda blogging.

2 nights ago I made my mum cry. I didn't mean to of course but I was mad about my brothers but I scolded her instead. She got tears in her eyes alright but I apologised to her right a waylah ah. But seriously, nothing makes me feel bad than breaking my mum's heart; be it with anger or tears on her part.

Nauzubillah tapi seriously jangan kamu lupa, doa mama ani untuk anak makbul and sekali dosa tani arah mama ani ada, dosanya atu nada damit ah. Selagi mama tani indakan mengampunkan, Nauzubillah.

Always remember, 

We were in her stomach for 9 months. She fed us, bathe us, clothe us, taught us how to walk, talk and believe me without her guide, we wouldn't be here. We wouldn't be here.

I will and I want to always remember the struggles my mum had to go through just so I can get what I want and what a girl needs at a certain age. Mahal as it was she worked for it to get it for me and my brothers. No matter how hard it was; success kah inda, I know she tried. Seriously.

Susah senang tani, always with our family. Because susah senang, selagi diorang ada; diorang tani aga minta tolong segala and they are always in open arms to help if they can. Batah lagi kan family lain and friends tu. If parents nada pun udah, when we feel susah we will kanangkan diorang. We will. So please, don't you ever forget it Wahidah.

Hmm baiklah it's random shit night. Banartah. Hahah..Bah I'll make another post ni kali after this. Night,