Secondly, he just has that perfect personality; to me. Eventhough he in reality has flaws, I still accept them and to me they are just perfect. I guess I am blinded by love because seriously how can one be perfect? But explain to me how can my parents, my families and friends accept him? What is it that they just accept and why do they simply like him? My only answer to that is just that he is perfect.

So..This happened..

Tonight is my parents' anniversary. So I am of course very busy; lari sana sini and stuff. I was also incharge of the BBQ and anything lah ah that night, I was called and asked to do stuff. Sekali..When all is done, I of course would look ragged, sweaty and just plain..Tired lah ah. Dirty as well I guess. So my nieces was in the karaoke room with their grandmother. The eldest somehow is now talkative Alhamdulillah. So outgoing, so sweet..I couldn't be more happier with her progress socially.

As I was going to pick up her little sister from her grandmother. I asked,

"Mau kah ia ni ah?" Then her grandmother took her far from me and replied,

"Inda ia mau tu. Inda ia mau tu."

She did it again. Hmm.

So it's kind of a fact that she selects the people who can touch her grandkids. And, of course the good stereotyped one will be selectedlah ah. I am not one of those selected. I am, of course the opposite of the ideal ones. I am not even close to ideal type.

It's sad.

I mean,

Of course I always try and be positive and just fuck it. You know? I mean, whateverlah ah I shouldn't care.

But it hurts to know your own aunt sees you that way. It hurts to know that I simply cannot surpass that area yet even at this age. And I repeat, even by my own aunt.

Banar pulang I was dirty from the smoke and stuff but even during raya man, even when I am wearing my most expensive clothes, in my golden accessories and in the best look I can ever come up with. I still can't touch her. She's still taken away from me.

Of course, her mum is not the same as their grandmother. Her mum is the best really. She is just so..Nice. I love her.

It's just that..Even at this age, I am still being frowned upon. Eventhough I am at the best journey I can go to for my age right now, I am still being seen as that poor dirty looking kid that simply must not be touched or to touch. So it hurts. It really hurts.

I told my mum about it and she simply suggested that I try and wear her face cream as it is doing wonders to her skin.

So I guess, it's because of my face lah ah that I can't really touch her grandchildren? Maybe she fears that I might contaminate their faces like chickenpox?

I try. So hard. I try and try. I did everything I could; the imaginable, the unimaginable. Everything I could.

It's in articles that acne happens not because you're dirty. It's just the condition of the skin. And logically you should clean you face everytime there is excess sebum on your face.

But what am I to do when it's proven that over-washing your face can cause acne?

What am I to do if just using water simply cannot cut it?

What am I to do when putting too much stuff on your face will infact triggers it?

What am I to do?

I accept my fate actually. Took me along time but Alhamdulillah, I am adapted to it and compared to the old me; my acne now is A BIG improvement.

I am tired of putting chemicals on my face and in my body.

I am tired of numbing myself from pain thinking that it will work out for me.

I am tired of knowing that in the future my body will get what I reaped.

I am tired of just going so far but yet will come back to the beginning.

And just feel so dirty.

Toodles,

Wahidah.

Nenek was admitted last month. Of course, Alhamdulillah he is back home but visited him during most of my free times last month. I hope he keeps on being well but more importantly I hope he accepts and becomes stronger. I pray for that.

 One of the nights when dad treated the family to steamboat at Damuan post nenek visit. Delicious food and dad lanja because of my graduation! Hehe..

 My bank for now. Hmm..Hahah. Guilty pulang banarnya since I don't have my allowance yet and I keep on mooching off him..Sigh but he's such an angel and inda bekirq. Nanti me treat you back yeah? I love you.

 When I miss having breakfast with him. There he goes mendulur and bring me out to have some. Thanks Sayang.

 Got to know this girl this year. So funny, so crazy and so fun to be with! Thanks for crossing path with me girl. Inda nyasal! Hehe.

 I simply refuse; well, I simply cannot shoot those ayu, serious and majestic poses. I feel so weird like I'm infected with rabbies or something when I do them. Hahah. 

So after my exams and after nenek keluar udah dari hospital, we went and check into Empire Hotel and just..Release! Swimming and jalan-jalan; it was so relaxing! Managed to watch the sunset with Sayang but seriously, I can never see the romance in it and I simply don't get why couples sit and watch it. Maybe I'd be happier if I can catch a sunrise? Maybe.

Toodles!

Wahidah.

So my last post was a month ago.

Hahah..Busy tahap gaban is all I can say. Assignments, tests, exams, orals and etc; and to top it all off my laptop had some wireless problem and because of that (other than my exams and such) I don't really had alot of drive to post. Hmm.

FINALLY I GRADUATED!

Hahah..Yes finally I have my HND certificate with me. Took a loooonnnggg time! The ceremony was always during May/June but somehow ours was in Nov. I don't know why but yeah. Basically our graduation ceremony marks the first time EVER that the guest of honour was our Sultan of Brunei. IT WAS AN HONOUR YO. LIKE SERIOUSLY. Who knew the Sultan, my Sultan, of Brunei would give me my diploma! Belum pernah hnd holders kana bagi oleh Sultan! Alhamdulillah..I gotta say we are luckylah..In a way it's because our 1st degree intake graduate sama kami wah. Yatah HM turun. SO UNTUNGLAH! LOL!

Lots of rehearsals lah masa atu..Not to mention it was sandwiched between my exams! Horror lah ah at that time OMG.. O_O Practically had to  hide my notes in my robe and read during the certs handling. Paksa lagi bangun awal and stuff to go for the rehersals padahal malam atu belajar sampai subuh. But yeah, a student's gotta do what a student should do to succeed. And it ain't an easy one aight? Hahah.. #khutbahdiri

I couldn't be prouder masa atu because really..Compared to my friends, I took a longer journey in order to achieve my dreams. I'm still on that journey pulang and during my HND days I think about my decision alot. Whether it was a mistake, whether it was the right path or was it just a waste of time. Though I do and I admit, regret for not taking a chance and just go for the shorter and more worthwhile route; with the diploma in my hands, I realise that nothing can change the fact that my efforts (blood, tears and sweat) was worth it. Not anyone, even me can change that fact.

And yeah, I am proud to announce that I am a Higher National Diploma holder in Internet & Multimedia Development.

Hahah. Toodles!

Wahidah.

You know who you are 😘 Hehe..Well daling, I gotta say..Maybe she makes me feel that way because of what he's doing. So my mind ends up clouded and my judgements ends up so wrong. Thank you so much for reminding me of what is important and I gotta say, honestly that ain't one of them. What has become of me? Aigoo.. 😅 Hahah.. Thanks for the quote daling! I miss you so much! 😘 And it does not change my prespective, it somehow reminds me of what beauty is really suppose to be.

I guess I just want to be pretty because I have never gotten attention before so I guess I still crave for that 1 specific attention that I envy of from you girls. Yes, from you too daling. Hahah..😘

So honestly what is my definition of beauty? Well, bluntly enough it is when I can see and feel it from a 500m radius. I just need to feel the presence to turn me around and see her, and if I feel it as well then she is 1 heck of a stunner.

Haha ok randomlah ah..Again thanks daling 😘 I'll try to stop being so insecure and stop overthinking!

Okay, I now cannot feel my squats anymore so I'm concerned if that will set me back. So I took some weight bells and tried squatting with them..

Gila.

Atu ya.

Baru kerasahah.

Damn. Lol.

I've realised that doing workout without weights are a waste of your efforts eh banartah. It ain't working if you don't feel it banar! I totaly agree now! Pokoknya slow progress but will not be as tight as those tight assed models. My excercise has been a lie. 😒

This dude is joining the movember campaign. Good luck bro. Mudahan tah tahan 😂 Lol! This is his 1st week growth! 😂

 

FOOD!!!

BEST YO THIS ONE! Gongcha has been established in Brunei for quite a while already now and I just had a taste of them last week. I've been there 3 times so far. Lol! So the cashier said the most famous is the Matcha Milk Tea but sorrylah, not my cup of tea eh! I like matcha (it's greentea in Japanese) but not with milk lah ah. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE THEIR Goncha Milk Chocolate! Gila! I mean, the best so far lah next to Sharetea ones. The chocolate tastes the same pulang (both sharetea and gongcha) tapi yang bagi lain and Oh so nyaman! Is that thick frothy milk on the top. Damn! To die for! So Goncha ada di Kiulap (at the Gripps Cafe next to Mum's Kiulap), Serusop (Times Square kah not mistaken)kah jua not mistaken and coming soon at Batu Satu (where Auntie Anne's is).

Javanese Chicken Soto. My only favourite soto and it's from Wareong Penyet. NYAMAN AH. Their chilly sauce is also nyaman! Such unique blend and so so nyaman! Though it's quite salty but I just love that certain taste of the soup. Apakah secretnya, I don't have the slightest idea. Haa!

Old time favourite, Belgian Waffles from Ideal! Noted who doesn't love icecream with bread? Who?! Hehe. Been eating them since 2006 and it does change as time goes by. In what way? By the quantitiy! Makin damit ah, sigh. Or aku yang makin basar? Hmm.

RMS icecream. THE BEST YO..That icecream tastes the same since 1997 yo..And seriously, who wouldn't chase that truck just to get that icecream? I have.

Had these spring onion pancakes last week (was it? Or 2 weeks ago?) from Xinful Cafe. First time sana for breakfast and..Ok lah..Hehe. Mau cuba waffles diorang saja lagi. Just you wait! Xinful Cafe, Gadong Central!

No shabu-shabu place can ever replace my favourite white tomyam soup from Ice Bar! Nyaman ah soup nya! Aissh! I wish other restaurants have their soup so that i can try their nice place. Hmm..

VLO Depot's Steak! Okaylah..Inda kanyang honestly. Damit ah portionnya but expected from the price pulang ah so yeah..But If you like fish, you should try their sambal fish! I love it! Spicy tahap gaban tapi nyaman spicy nya. You taste other stuff and not just the chillis.

Bibimbap. Nothing cam go wrong with bibimbap. Enough said. This is from Silla restaurant. Hee!

Polo's Pool Cafe's salad, around $6 and first time tah rasa tu avocado dalam salad. Didn't know that avocado ani no taste and I now understand why they put it in their salads. What's funny was the fact that they gave me a big jug of olive oil dressing for such a small salad. Mandi minyak. Haha!

I crossed path with this baby during jualan at UBD. Awesome, enough said.

Hmm..After looking through these food. I see myself as..

Scary. Banyak gambar makanan. Hahah..

Toodles!

Wai  

Today was my cousin's sanding. The first picture depicts how one guy manages to be part of the family in 3 days. We are now known as; Mr & Mrs Mustashhhh. Lol..random. But yeah! This dude came to my shinding for the 3 whole days of his holidays and now he is sick! Sigh how my heart aches and worries for him right now. Get well soon Sayang. Hang in there! <3 

So now I AM FREE! WHEE!

My lady cousins whom I love. We were crazy during all those night together. InsyaAllah shall happen soon again? Not by me of course. Lol.

I HAD MY HAIR CUT TODAY!

Yes fellow friends, I had my haircut. SHORT. Seriously SHORT!

How do I feel? Liberating! So, FREE! Hahah..

Random pulang ni banarnya. I mean, there I was feeling that my hair looks so dull. So..boring. So..Inda bermaya. Then I thought, heck! Why not a new haircut! And ngam-ngam jua I've been loving those pixie cuts that's all the rage at the moment, so yeah. And the fact that my boyfriend has mentioned to me once that my hair looks lusuh. Hmmph!

I really hope my hair will grow healthy starting now. 3 years ago I had this accident of using this VERY STRONG chemicalised shampoo that it practically destroyed my hair and I kinda feel like it hasn't bounce back since then. Sigh. Mudahan tah lah ah. Amin!

Got M to accompany me on my random adventure and well, I love him for it and he wasn't sceptical at all! I like it. So supporting and the fact that he even wants to join me makes me just..LOVE HIM MORE! (Ehem, I know you're reading this :P Hehe love you!) And of course, I'm glad he likes it. After the ordeal we went out and have shabu-shabu at Ice Bar. Damn, it has been a long time since I was there to the point that they have new menus already! Even the new menu doesn't look that new anymore! Hahah..That white tomyam was the bomb; literally in my stomach. I had to get icecream after. Hehe. Thanks sayang for dinner tadi aight?

Alright, till next time!

I am here all alone in the library. Well, figuratively speaking. I mean, ramai pulang orang sini ah but err..I'm all alone on my own sitting? Get me? Hahah..

Anyways, I just finished trying to do my work. Haha. Sakit sudah kepala. I'll get back to eat in 20 minutes. Let me, right now blog. Okay.

So my back is in pain right now. Sigh, I've no idea why. Many theories goes to mind but possibly only 3 are fit:

I think the last one would explain why. Hmm..So much for feeling my back getting stronger. Furthermore, my pinky finger pun injured jua. Bengkak. Sigh. Pasal telanggar bola yesterday.

Ah man, I can take it. I'm going to home in abit. I can't stand sitting and standing anymore. Sigh..Better put some ice or oil or something. Anything. :(

Hmm..Random subject but yeah, babies! Kids; children. I just realised that the one, most important thing I want to do when I have them is that I want to be able to carry (kipak) and play with them without feeling so tired or malas to. I mean being able to throw them up in the air without feeling pain creeping up and down your back must be exhilarating right? So yeah, I want that. I want to dance around with them, run around the beaches & parks, carry them on my back and carry them when they fell asleep in the car. How fun would that be? 

Hahah Au random hantap. I also can't sleep right now so yeah random drive is hard at work. Hmm. But honestly I suddenly want this because.. kan I always play with my little cousins and heavy as they are, I just love throwing them up and down, wrestling with them and stuff. I usually feel tired but last 2 nights when I did it, it was nothing. I wasn't even tired. So macam, wow! I want that! I just hope I'm this strong for my future kids (Amin) someday.

 InsyaAllah. Mudahan saja I have the rezeki, the health and the life to have them when I'm married. Amin! 

Semester break is here! Yeay! Hoho..So it's a 2 weeks agenda and hmm, WORK IS GIVEN! Cubatah ah, a break is a break damnit! Sigh, ah well..

Anyways I opened up a booth for the last week of UBD before the break during the fundraising event for KACA. It was a fun experience and lots of food lah ah. Alhamdulillah, ada orang beli-beli and my stocks getting lesser; I couldn't be happier. Hehe. There was also a minizoo and I brought my cousin there to see the "Abbits!" and the "Ambi!" Hehe he was so cute.

But seriously, I still need to learn how to manage my time though. I skipped around 2 classes that week and Math was one of it :( Not good for my studies at all. To top it off, I had 3 tests that week so I got really caught up and just couldn't answer alot of questions in them. Not good at all. Hmm. Sekalikan, seriously, next time I shall never listen to what my cousin say about our Korean studies :( She caused me C's and D's on my work man. Turun tarus average courseworkku. Sigh. Yang boleh saya dapat around 0.7 or 0.8 atleast made me get 0.6. Fuuu!

Hahah..A random short post for the day? Yes. Jangan marah..Till next time!

FYI, I'm still working on it. My body I mean. LOL. Yes I think I've mentioned it that I wanted to have them toned up and all tight? Yes.. I have not given up! Okay, mind you my progress is a VERY slow one as I'm not that strict on it (Especially on my diet) but seriously! I do feel the difference. I noticed:

Small changes that only I feel and see really. I can't wait untill the time that the changes can be seen by other people! I hope I get there! Banartah!

So I haven't change my diet that much. I'm still in with my carbs (especially white rice) but I made sure lunch is the only time I eat alot of fat and carbs. My drink intakes has gone down between tea, juices (no sugar) or just 100+ when I needed some flavour. Water is what I go to now and I drink them around 2L the most. I try to eat lots of vegetables but it's seriously a battle lah ah. Why? Mainly because I'm quite picky and malas. Haha. Picky as in I don't put in MSG in my veggies and I don't use cooking oil to cook them so to go out and order veggies is a no no for me. Malas because I malas nak masak so sometimes I don't eat enough of them. To pick or beli arah kedai pun payah jua because a) salads are expensive and b) I simply don't trust them making it (eseh macam sibanar! HAA!).

As for my activities; well I randomly set them up really and just fill in the free times I have with exercise and my studies. I mostly do cardio and circuits in any other days for each activities:

• Monday: Circuit+Stretch
• Tuesday: Cardio
• Wednesday: CCA (Cardio) & Circuit
• Thurs: Cardio
• Friday: Circuit+Stretch
• Saturdays & Sundays: Rest

My circuit includes:

• Squats 50 reps
• Lunges 30 reps each leg
• Hip raise 50 reps
• Side-lying leg lift 30 reps each leg
• Glute kickbacks 30 reps each leg
• Crunches 50 reps
• Hip twists (Crazy Ivans) 50 each sides
• Plank 1 min/rep

I got my red dress on tonight

Dancing in the dark in the pale moonlight

Done my hair up real big beauty queen style

High heels off, I'm feeling alive

Oh, my God, I feel it in the air

Telephone wires above are sizzling like a snare

Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere

Nothing scares me anymore

(1, 2, 3, 4)

Kiss me hard before you go

Summertime sadness

I just wanted you to know

That, baby, you're the best

I've got that summertime, summertime sadness

S-s-summertime, summertime sadness

Got that summertime, summertime sadness

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I'm feelin' electric tonight

Cruising down the coast goin' 'bout 99

Got my bad baby by my heavenly side

I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight

Oh, my God, I feel it in the air

Telephone wires above are sizzling like a snare

Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere

Nothing scares me anymore

(1, 2, 3, 4)

Kiss me hard before you go

Summertime sadness

I just wanted you to know

That, baby, you're the best

I've got that summertime, summertime sadness

S-s-summertime, summertime sadness

Got that summertime, summertime sadness

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I think I'll miss you forever

Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky

Later's better than never

Even if you're gone I'm gonna drive (drive, drive)

I've got that summertime, summertime sadness

S-s-summertime, summertime sadness

Got that summertime, summertime sadness

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Kiss me hard before you go

Summertime sadness

I just wanted you to know

That, baby, you're the best

I've got that summertime, summertime sadness

S-s-summertime, summertime sadness

Got that summertime, summertime sadness

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

So I actually expected, well I hoped to just have a family dinner at a restaurant but then instead I celebrated with my cousin who shares the same birthdate as me! Hehe..I had more cakes and I received more presents than I can ever wish for and I couldn't be happy enough! Thank you yeah.

But.

My best.

Just had to be. 

From my,

Sayang M!

HEHE. Thanks yeah. It really helps alot with my work and with it I don't even need to bring my laptop 60% of the time! Really made my bag weight WAY lighter. Hee!

Omg aku inda sanggup. It's so lat already..I'm so sleepy! Aight, that's it for now, see you soon!

P.S: I really need to post my interesThings! OMG! -_- Okay! Esuk! InsyaAllah!