I am so sad right now. And I'm glad? Hahah. Cause I think sometimes it's better to let the sadness pour out rather than leave it there to settle itself. Like what Augustus said, "Pain demands to be felt." Hahah..Wow here I go quoting from the fault in our stars. Lol. Anyways, I just finished watching the movie so that mainly explains why I am sad right now. Don't judge me yet okay? I read the book before I watched the movie okay? Hahah..Both are beautiful and I have to say, this is the first movie that really follows the book.  It's perfect.

I think I am addicted to the  book now and I just really love it; for one thing is because a lot of the things written in the book made sense to me. How I can relate and I understand the thoughts on life and death of the figures in the book, how I can feel and experience Hazel's feelings and thoughts, and even her trip to Amsterdam; and..I just really love it.

Eventhough I've never been to Amsterdam, John's description of it makes me feel like I am there feeling everything even the confetti flowers. The theories said by Houten, Hazel and Augustus is so refreshing to me that I'd like to use it one day in an essay (maybe on my life ad death module? maybe.) and also the love she has for her parents and vice versa is just  too beautiful. You're fighting because you don't want to leave them alone; you don't want them to suffer and you just keep on fighting to survive. That's a new prospect I've never thought of. I'm so glad I read the book. Made me want to go back and read it again.
What also struck me is the fact that they went to Anne Frank's museum. I love the fact that the person I read about (Anne Frank) is mentioned in the book and I really love the fact that Hazel read Anne's biography as well. Makes me feel smart atleast; and that fact also made me want to go back on reading. I miss reading.

Though I am mainly sad because the movie and the book, I am also sad about something else. I will not mention why exactly but to think rationally, maybe I just feel stress with my life right now? Maybe. Because work is coming, not to mention my dy that demands to be chosen in 3 days and there's also the fact that I feel I am being ignored. 

Being ignored; I guess I am just so confused with how I feel about it. I am doing the exact thing as what she's doing and I am getting the same treatment; I also now understand the feeling of being left out. Though I know and understand that I deserve it. I guess I just wish I can show it like she did but I chose not to because I know how burdening it feels to let people know how you really feel. It feels awful and I don't want them to feel that way. But with that said, I can't deny..I wish I can show it to them.

Maybe I should just stay quiet, maybe I should lessen my efforts but simply doing this can make it seem like I am mad; when infact I'm just trying to be bearable to them. It's very sad when you're thinking of others when you're the one who's hurt. I mean, you don't even care about yourself. When will you? When can you? 

But then again now that I think about it, it's not that I don't have anyone to go to; it's just that the person that I really wanted to comfort me isn't doing it at all. Sigh, wild ride.