I was right. I do have insomnia.

Well, an acute insomnia perhaps? Or maybe just minute. But yeah, apparently insomnia is characterised by difficulty of falling and/or staying asleep. I have both.

And apparently, it may be characterised by medical problems as well such as hypothyroidism.

I mean, all this time I thought it's just caused by emotional or psychological problems (such as stress or just being too awesome; mungkin Einstein. Banyak pikir. Haha.) but yeah it may actually cause by your body condition. Seriously.

Frankly speaking I don't have anything to worry for now but when I do start to "want" to sleep, alot of thoughts just come into my mind and suddenly I'd want to do all the things I was too lazy to do during the day; like singing, watching television and writing. Sometimes, I think it's just boring to sleep. It's such a waste.

I guess I really need to handle this. Hahah.


Get enough sleep people. Sleep is really important apparently. You're lucky if you're sleeping right now. Hahah.

Anyways,

So her name is Najwa, a Malaysian Netball player (I'm assuming for under 21). Basically I would give everything to have her height. Well, only when I play netball lah ah. Hahah..She is so awesome I have to say. I mean I don't know her and I've never personally talked to her but apparently she is famous in the Netball scene earlier, kinda like MVP you must say. When I saw her play here, (she's also the captain for the Malaysia team) I thought to myself, "Wow so this is how a captain should do. How a captain should be." She is awesome, good and so..authoritative. She scolds the players for their mistakes and does not disappoint eh; I mean, of course she deserves to be that way cause she is that good. Seriously. Man I wish I can be like that.I wish I can play like that. I wish I am tall like that when I play. Hahah.

 We watched the ASEAN School Games Netball matches this week and I am very impressed (mostly jealous). Malaysia will win later for sure but despite that, Brunei Netball team to me does not disappoint despite -a term I shall use, "kana sayur." I personally think they can improve and with more training and communication with each other, I know they can do it. Heck, with their skills now if we were to lawan diorang I'd say kami yang "kana sayur." Seriously.

Was fun to watch. I mean, I usually don't really involve myself in these kinds of things (be it fairs and such) and I think I should join more in the future.

Aight.

This one's a keeper.

I have deactivated my Facebook. I have deactivated my Twitter. All that's left of my social network is Instagram and Pinterest; and I guess you'd wonder how come and why. Well, just getting to the point is basically I fell victim to a..what do you call it? Fake identity+hating+stupid+malukan maruah+jelousy-ish kind of thing? That person sold my information, my pictures and my contact number to AFC which is an old dating site where people can just chat there msnchat style? I don't know if you remember but yeah we did chat that way in the old days.

It started August I think and you know, tiba-tiba saja my phone went wild with whatsapp texts from different kinds of people where all of them said, "Hi Ydahh?" Unknown numbers mind you and I just thought, "What the hell is this?" So I asked one of them and then he told me that I am in that site; and at that time "I" was selling myself off making myself available for pick-up and what not; bluntly speaking the "I" in that site am available for sex. At first, I wasn't scared since they don't really know how I looked like but damn did it shocked me when the guy sent a picture of me. I immediately showed it to my parents and well yeah, we went straight to the police. A full report was made to the police of this incident.

Mind you, I wasn't that scared or the least bother at first. Well I was worried when I knew a picture of me is at the hands of those people but I was still relaxed though even during the police report. I did however bawled when I finally found the so-called account of myself in the site later that afternoon. Seeing your pictures there (innocent ones; my profile pictures), all your information as if you, yourself is saying those putrid stuff and those people just believed it is just gilalah rasanya..I mean, it wasn't true. I'm not selling myself, I'm not a whore and I definitely am not interested in making any contact with any of you over there. Trust me.

So it continued on after that..Texts, whatsapps, calls and all I could do was reject everything and blocked anybody who just simply said "Hi" to me. I tried not to get it into my head and Alhamdulillah I managed to just let it be since the stupid texts/calls stopped for a while after ignoring.

Though it wasn't as bad as someone physically assaulting you (nauzubillah) but I can't deny you do feel let down; you do feel exposed and you do feel so...I don't know, traumatised by it? Just little bitlah ah but like I said, Alhamdulillah I managed to just let it be. I thought to myself, as long as the ones I love know how I am then I am fine.

But then, a week plus before my engagement the person went over the board and decided to do the same tactics through Facebook. He/she created a Facebook account called "Puppey Si Wahidah Wahab," added friends and famlies of ours (Muiz and mine) and I don't know what he/she wanted to do but they somehow failed because Muiz inbox them and they immediately deactivated the account. So after that my phone went crazy again with the texts/calls and well yeah, that person was so determined I have to say and I don't know why.

I then changed my number. Yes, you may wonder why didn't I change it from the beginning? Why complicate yourself that way and make it difficult? Well, to answer that: I wanted to find that person. I was holding on to my number because I wanted to find him/her. To me it felt more safe to have the old number and know what is going on on that side you know, just in case something bad is bound to happen. But then I realised, it wasn't worth it to make him/her my priority; definitely not worth it and that's when I start to change my number.

A few days after my engagement, I went out for dinner with Muiz before he went to work the next day. He left his mobile on our table when he went to the toilet and somehow at that moment, I really wanted to kacau his phone. So I did and then an image in his album shocked me to my bones:

There was a collage of my profile pictures mixed together with pictures of naked lady bodies and like an advertisement it said to contact me through facebook, instagram, twitter and whatsapp for "bookings."

I asked him what the fuck is that and so he finally told me; That image was sent to him through inbox by his friend on Monday (the day after our engagement) because his friend was offered by an unknown Facebook user and Alhamdulillah his friend went straight to him to ask and to make sure if this is true or what. Muiz went straight to the unknown profile and swore his ass off to that person; which resulted the person removing him/herself from Facebook, again. And that was the last we heard of him/her.

I cried like crazy when I saw those pictures. I know it's not my body and seriously those people are just stupid to believe it. I mean, if I wanted to post naked pictures of myself I might as well show my face along with those bodies. I do not need to crop my head off and collage the pictures with my profile pictures. Seriously.

But that picture felt like the last straw and believe me, I now understood why some people chose suicide when they are depressed. Honestly I am not trying to make it so dramatic but I was depressed, I was stressed, I was angry and to make it more worst I couldn't do anything because I, we don't know who is doing this and why ia tergamak. He/she made me feel like I don't have any value and I feel like I'm being treated like an animal; it's just crazy. It boggles my mind that a person could do this and is just..berani. What's more worst is that it made me so sad that my parents had to see me being treated this way and my dad's name had to be included in that damned picture. They are being strong about it but I can't help but feel guilty for them eventhough I shouldn't.

That's why I left for a while. I was scared. I was scared that people would believe it, I was scared random people would recognise me and judge me I was scared those people who tried to contact me would recognise me when I go out and approach me. I was scared that the people I love would believe it.

As of now, I'm just letting it be though. I'm so tired of thinking and just couldn't care less; I am thankful I have my family and friends who loves and support me (my parents especially).

Ganya yatah masalahnya, di biarkan makin gila ya makin berani. Inda ia pecaya bah bereport ke polis sudah ah. Buduh kah apa indaku tau, mungkin buduh banar inda takutlah ah.

If you're reading this, I'm happy with my life. So please just stop tiring yourself with this. It's not worth it.

Assalamualaikum everybody! Yes, I'm back! For now. HAHA. How've you been? I hope your life is awesome so far? Ameen it is. My last post was sort of eons ago (felt like it!) and you may wonder where I've been; why the delay and etc? Well, InsyaAllah I'll put up another post regarding that but I'm back mainly because a reader encouraged me to. You see I thought no one reads my blog and well, I wasn't expecting any besides my friends and my fiance (YES I AM ENGAGED!) so to hear a stranger mentioning your own blog; it's an honour. You've no idea how much you've touched my heart and motivate me to come back, Thank you.

So today I went to Bandar with my girls just to hang out and to support our girl with her beverage business, @aingnuman. Bottled classic drinks: Bandung, Kopi, Milo and Teh and it costs $2 each! She joined the vendor spaces in conjunction with our city's name change from (hee, I forgot what) to Bandar Seri Begawan and oh! There were go karts as well! Classic car show, food, drinks, henna, face paintings and etc! Sadly it's the last day today so yeah I'm not promoting, I'm just saying.



The weather was hot. Seriously hot. I am not joking. I literally sweated like a chimp and trust me, in Brunei's climate it is possible. But, since I wasn't alone sweating it was bearable..Lol! I had fun banartah..Because hanging out with my girls is not just "hanging out," it's art. Eksenku. Haha. It's more beautiful than that. So many jokes, stories and feelings shared lah ah. Yeah. Also, aingnuman quenched my thirst, teeheehee.

But more than that, I just love how despite how long it has been that my girls and I don't meet with eachother we are cool with it; and when we start talking it's as if we've just met yesterday and not 2 - 6 months ago. That's the beauty of it Alhamdulillah. I got me self some soul sisters; good for the body and soul. Hehe, eceh.



So the school holidays are near; alot of the exams are done (as in o-levels, a-levels etc), under/graduates exams are next week (good luck!) and I on the other hand am on my holiday because I am finished with my attachment already! Yes people, I'm doing my DY right now. How time flies..End of next year, finaly year tia.

Alright I'll stop here. Untill then!