Secondly, he just has that perfect personality; to me. Eventhough he in reality has flaws, I still accept them and to me they are just perfect. I guess I am blinded by love because seriously how can one be perfect? But explain to me how can my parents, my families and friends accept him? What is it that they just accept and why do they simply like him? My only answer to that is just that he is perfect.

So..This happened..

Tonight is my parents' anniversary. So I am of course very busy; lari sana sini and stuff. I was also incharge of the BBQ and anything lah ah that night, I was called and asked to do stuff. Sekali..When all is done, I of course would look ragged, sweaty and just plain..Tired lah ah. Dirty as well I guess. So my nieces was in the karaoke room with their grandmother. The eldest somehow is now talkative Alhamdulillah. So outgoing, so sweet..I couldn't be more happier with her progress socially.

As I was going to pick up her little sister from her grandmother. I asked,

"Mau kah ia ni ah?" Then her grandmother took her far from me and replied,

"Inda ia mau tu. Inda ia mau tu."

She did it again. Hmm.

So it's kind of a fact that she selects the people who can touch her grandkids. And, of course the good stereotyped one will be selectedlah ah. I am not one of those selected. I am, of course the opposite of the ideal ones. I am not even close to ideal type.

It's sad.

I mean,

Of course I always try and be positive and just fuck it. You know? I mean, whateverlah ah I shouldn't care.

But it hurts to know your own aunt sees you that way. It hurts to know that I simply cannot surpass that area yet even at this age. And I repeat, even by my own aunt.

Banar pulang I was dirty from the smoke and stuff but even during raya man, even when I am wearing my most expensive clothes, in my golden accessories and in the best look I can ever come up with. I still can't touch her. She's still taken away from me.

Of course, her mum is not the same as their grandmother. Her mum is the best really. She is just so..Nice. I love her.

It's just that..Even at this age, I am still being frowned upon. Eventhough I am at the best journey I can go to for my age right now, I am still being seen as that poor dirty looking kid that simply must not be touched or to touch. So it hurts. It really hurts.

I told my mum about it and she simply suggested that I try and wear her face cream as it is doing wonders to her skin.

So I guess, it's because of my face lah ah that I can't really touch her grandchildren? Maybe she fears that I might contaminate their faces like chickenpox?

I try. So hard. I try and try. I did everything I could; the imaginable, the unimaginable. Everything I could.

It's in articles that acne happens not because you're dirty. It's just the condition of the skin. And logically you should clean you face everytime there is excess sebum on your face.

But what am I to do when it's proven that over-washing your face can cause acne?

What am I to do if just using water simply cannot cut it?

What am I to do when putting too much stuff on your face will infact triggers it?

What am I to do?

I accept my fate actually. Took me along time but Alhamdulillah, I am adapted to it and compared to the old me; my acne now is A BIG improvement.

I am tired of putting chemicals on my face and in my body.

I am tired of numbing myself from pain thinking that it will work out for me.

I am tired of knowing that in the future my body will get what I reaped.

I am tired of just going so far but yet will come back to the beginning.

And just feel so dirty.

Toodles,

Wahidah.

Nenek was admitted last month. Of course, Alhamdulillah he is back home but visited him during most of my free times last month. I hope he keeps on being well but more importantly I hope he accepts and becomes stronger. I pray for that.

 One of the nights when dad treated the family to steamboat at Damuan post nenek visit. Delicious food and dad lanja because of my graduation! Hehe..

 My bank for now. Hmm..Hahah. Guilty pulang banarnya since I don't have my allowance yet and I keep on mooching off him..Sigh but he's such an angel and inda bekirq. Nanti me treat you back yeah? I love you.

 When I miss having breakfast with him. There he goes mendulur and bring me out to have some. Thanks Sayang.

 Got to know this girl this year. So funny, so crazy and so fun to be with! Thanks for crossing path with me girl. Inda nyasal! Hehe.

 I simply refuse; well, I simply cannot shoot those ayu, serious and majestic poses. I feel so weird like I'm infected with rabbies or something when I do them. Hahah. 

So after my exams and after nenek keluar udah dari hospital, we went and check into Empire Hotel and just..Release! Swimming and jalan-jalan; it was so relaxing! Managed to watch the sunset with Sayang but seriously, I can never see the romance in it and I simply don't get why couples sit and watch it. Maybe I'd be happier if I can catch a sunrise? Maybe.

Toodles!

Wahidah.

So my last post was a month ago.

Hahah..Busy tahap gaban is all I can say. Assignments, tests, exams, orals and etc; and to top it all off my laptop had some wireless problem and because of that (other than my exams and such) I don't really had alot of drive to post. Hmm.

FINALLY I GRADUATED!

Hahah..Yes finally I have my HND certificate with me. Took a loooonnnggg time! The ceremony was always during May/June but somehow ours was in Nov. I don't know why but yeah. Basically our graduation ceremony marks the first time EVER that the guest of honour was our Sultan of Brunei. IT WAS AN HONOUR YO. LIKE SERIOUSLY. Who knew the Sultan, my Sultan, of Brunei would give me my diploma! Belum pernah hnd holders kana bagi oleh Sultan! Alhamdulillah..I gotta say we are luckylah..In a way it's because our 1st degree intake graduate sama kami wah. Yatah HM turun. SO UNTUNGLAH! LOL!

Lots of rehearsals lah masa atu..Not to mention it was sandwiched between my exams! Horror lah ah at that time OMG.. O_O Practically had to  hide my notes in my robe and read during the certs handling. Paksa lagi bangun awal and stuff to go for the rehersals padahal malam atu belajar sampai subuh. But yeah, a student's gotta do what a student should do to succeed. And it ain't an easy one aight? Hahah.. #khutbahdiri

I couldn't be prouder masa atu because really..Compared to my friends, I took a longer journey in order to achieve my dreams. I'm still on that journey pulang and during my HND days I think about my decision alot. Whether it was a mistake, whether it was the right path or was it just a waste of time. Though I do and I admit, regret for not taking a chance and just go for the shorter and more worthwhile route; with the diploma in my hands, I realise that nothing can change the fact that my efforts (blood, tears and sweat) was worth it. Not anyone, even me can change that fact.

And yeah, I am proud to announce that I am a Higher National Diploma holder in Internet & Multimedia Development.

Hahah. Toodles!

Wahidah.