You know what? Despite my happy posts on my trip -which was like, already 2 weeks ago- I actually feel really bad these past few days. I know why of course and though I'm not going to say it here but I think it'd be okay if I could just let my frustrations out here right?

Yes frustrations.

I'm just so upset, I'm not in any good mood and I just can't help but feel so..Blank about it.

Helpless lah rasanya..Sigh.

I wish these commitments I have that I'm passionate about is focused on other areas besides this. Atleast I can make money out of it.

Atleast I won't depend on it.

I'm so disappointed with myself.

But the worst part it? I actually don't have to even think about it banarnya. Banarnya I don't really have to take it seriously and they're right, "Jangan tah dipikirkan bah. Buat macam biasa saja."

They're right.

But I can't make it "macam biasa saja." Because if I do then the outcome will be the same and if balik-balik cematu, balik-balik tah tu that thing datang and it might get worst.

And in the end they'll be the ones to be blamed. It'll be a burden and it'll all be because of me.

I hate it when I know I'm a burden. Well, who doesn't right?

But I absolutely despise it.

But it also got me wondering: Am I not good enough? And if they think that way then should I leave? Because I think I deserve more than this.

Should I've held back atleast?

Is it too late to do it now?

I want to change. I really do.

Because I want to be colder. I want to atleast be worth it to not be implied as a burden. I want to be all the things they'll be scared of. I want them to be worried about me.

Maybe I should go away for a while.

Maybe I should.