I have deactivated my Facebook. I have deactivated my Twitter. All that's left of my social network is Instagram and Pinterest; and I guess you'd wonder how come and why. Well, just getting to the point is basically I fell victim to a..what do you call it? Fake identity+hating+stupid+malukan maruah+jelousy-ish kind of thing? That person sold my information, my pictures and my contact number to AFC which is an old dating site where people can just chat there msnchat style? I don't know if you remember but yeah we did chat that way in the old days.

It started August I think and you know, tiba-tiba saja my phone went wild with whatsapp texts from different kinds of people where all of them said, "Hi Ydahh?" Unknown numbers mind you and I just thought, "What the hell is this?" So I asked one of them and then he told me that I am in that site; and at that time "I" was selling myself off making myself available for pick-up and what not; bluntly speaking the "I" in that site am available for sex. At first, I wasn't scared since they don't really know how I looked like but damn did it shocked me when the guy sent a picture of me. I immediately showed it to my parents and well yeah, we went straight to the police. A full report was made to the police of this incident.

Mind you, I wasn't that scared or the least bother at first. Well I was worried when I knew a picture of me is at the hands of those people but I was still relaxed though even during the police report. I did however bawled when I finally found the so-called account of myself in the site later that afternoon. Seeing your pictures there (innocent ones; my profile pictures), all your information as if you, yourself is saying those putrid stuff and those people just believed it is just gilalah rasanya..I mean, it wasn't true. I'm not selling myself, I'm not a whore and I definitely am not interested in making any contact with any of you over there. Trust me.

So it continued on after that..Texts, whatsapps, calls and all I could do was reject everything and blocked anybody who just simply said "Hi" to me. I tried not to get it into my head and Alhamdulillah I managed to just let it be since the stupid texts/calls stopped for a while after ignoring.

Though it wasn't as bad as someone physically assaulting you (nauzubillah) but I can't deny you do feel let down; you do feel exposed and you do feel so...I don't know, traumatised by it? Just little bitlah ah but like I said, Alhamdulillah I managed to just let it be. I thought to myself, as long as the ones I love know how I am then I am fine.

But then, a week plus before my engagement the person went over the board and decided to do the same tactics through Facebook. He/she created a Facebook account called "Puppey Si Wahidah Wahab," added friends and famlies of ours (Muiz and mine) and I don't know what he/she wanted to do but they somehow failed because Muiz inbox them and they immediately deactivated the account. So after that my phone went crazy again with the texts/calls and well yeah, that person was so determined I have to say and I don't know why.

I then changed my number. Yes, you may wonder why didn't I change it from the beginning? Why complicate yourself that way and make it difficult? Well, to answer that: I wanted to find that person. I was holding on to my number because I wanted to find him/her. To me it felt more safe to have the old number and know what is going on on that side you know, just in case something bad is bound to happen. But then I realised, it wasn't worth it to make him/her my priority; definitely not worth it and that's when I start to change my number.

A few days after my engagement, I went out for dinner with Muiz before he went to work the next day. He left his mobile on our table when he went to the toilet and somehow at that moment, I really wanted to kacau his phone. So I did and then an image in his album shocked me to my bones:

There was a collage of my profile pictures mixed together with pictures of naked lady bodies and like an advertisement it said to contact me through facebook, instagram, twitter and whatsapp for "bookings."

I asked him what the fuck is that and so he finally told me; That image was sent to him through inbox by his friend on Monday (the day after our engagement) because his friend was offered by an unknown Facebook user and Alhamdulillah his friend went straight to him to ask and to make sure if this is true or what. Muiz went straight to the unknown profile and swore his ass off to that person; which resulted the person removing him/herself from Facebook, again. And that was the last we heard of him/her.

I cried like crazy when I saw those pictures. I know it's not my body and seriously those people are just stupid to believe it. I mean, if I wanted to post naked pictures of myself I might as well show my face along with those bodies. I do not need to crop my head off and collage the pictures with my profile pictures. Seriously.

But that picture felt like the last straw and believe me, I now understood why some people chose suicide when they are depressed. Honestly I am not trying to make it so dramatic but I was depressed, I was stressed, I was angry and to make it more worst I couldn't do anything because I, we don't know who is doing this and why ia tergamak. He/she made me feel like I don't have any value and I feel like I'm being treated like an animal; it's just crazy. It boggles my mind that a person could do this and is just..berani. What's more worst is that it made me so sad that my parents had to see me being treated this way and my dad's name had to be included in that damned picture. They are being strong about it but I can't help but feel guilty for them eventhough I shouldn't.

That's why I left for a while. I was scared. I was scared that people would believe it, I was scared random people would recognise me and judge me I was scared those people who tried to contact me would recognise me when I go out and approach me. I was scared that the people I love would believe it.

As of now, I'm just letting it be though. I'm so tired of thinking and just couldn't care less; I am thankful I have my family and friends who loves and support me (my parents especially).

Ganya yatah masalahnya, di biarkan makin gila ya makin berani. Inda ia pecaya bah bereport ke polis sudah ah. Buduh kah apa indaku tau, mungkin buduh banar inda takutlah ah.

If you're reading this, I'm happy with my life. So please just stop tiring yourself with this. It's not worth it.